How To Have Sex With A Trans Man

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To celebrate nearly 20,000 post hits on my blog, I wanted to write about something that maybe isn’t often talked about in the way it should be. Sure, lots and lots of people are obsessed with what’s between a trans guy’s legs, and what ‘they do with it’, but that doesn’t help those lucky folk who happen to find themselves in bed with a trans man.

To be honest, you don’t really need to read further than number 1). Everything else I have to say comes back to that. The other thing to remember is that, as in everything in life, we are all different, and what is true for one trans guy will be the complete opposite for another. Just be aware of those differences, and refer back to number 1).

1) Talk to your man. Ask him about his body, and how he relates to it sexually. Find…

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Job Hunting SUCKS for Millennials

It sucks. Let me tell you. Especially now that I am in the process of applying for Disability. I still have seizures, and I still have panic attacks. I am mega stressed out because I have no income anymore. I was on state disability for a year(year 2017), but it barely kept me afloat with the bills that I have to take care of. I have also been trying to keep up with my small jewelry business, but even that is hard. You have to spend money to make money. I don’t care who you are, that is a fact. Got a new job? Need to buy a uniform of sorts. Want to start a business? Gotta buy supplies. And when you’re chronic depression is constantly knocking at your door, well, you don’t want to get out of bed. You want to pull your covers over your head and hide there forever.

Well, right now, I’ve been waiting to see about meeting with a judge that works with Social Security Disability on whether or not I qualify for benefits and I’ve been waiting over a year now. So, naturally I have been constantly scraping up any cash I can from stuff I have lying around. I had a garage sale. I sold some electronics I had that I hadn’t been using. I sold some TVs that no one in my household had been using anymore. And now I’ve been scrolling through local job postings on Indeed and LinkedIn. And yep, that makes me even more anxious and freaked out about how poor I am right now. With just a few dollars in my bank account, I post as often as I can on my social media about my jewelry to try to gain some online sales attention, but even that doesn’t bring me much income.

I truly do not want to have to work again. I feel that the stress from being managed by some crazy bitch will just freak me out as it did in my last few jobs over that last like 5 years. Then again, who knows how it would really go. I am always assuming the worst and not reaching out to try something new. I did apply for like 15 jobs a few months ago and had a few interviews. But those did not pan out. I have also been working part time over at Knott’s Berry Farm over the last 2 years trying to make a little income from the craft vendors, but even that was stressful with the long hours some of them gave me. I really love the environment I was working in, but sometimes just knowing I had to have a smile plastered on my face at all times was exhausting enough. Anything for the guests!

Their are many things that are dragging down my want and need to get a job. Mainly though I simply cannot imagine being back in the workforce after not having a regular paying job after being out of it for 2 years now. Doing some small shifts of volunteer work at my local LGBT Center has been great, but even getting there and being present for that little job was a struggle for me. Mentally, emotionally and at times physically it was draining. I would have to prepare my head for having to be ready for any persons coming in searching for aid, emotionally prepared for at times mean and cruel phone calls from persons who would call to harass someone with hate and ignorance, and then physically I would have to drag myself out of bed and wait for sometimes an hour for my ride to pick me up with OCTA Access to take me to the Center in Santa Ana. My health just wasn’t up to doing it all anymore. Not being able to get up and get myself over to a job for just 4 hours a week… just makes me so sad.

So now, I am attempting to intern with one of the Service Coordinators at the LGBT Center OC so I can simply just have little tasks to assist with, rather than dealing with every little phone call and doorbell ring that the front desk would have waiting for me on Thursday mornings. And so, I will be working with the Transgender Services Coordinator for now, to try and assist her with anything she may need. Trans*Pride OC is coming up in just a few weeks so I totally am on board with helping in any way I possibly can.

And the struggle continues…

OCTA. Is it worth an OC girl’s time? I think so!

If I haven’t already made it super clear, I don’t drive any longer. I take public transportation, and to be perfectly honest, it’s not all that big of a deal. I used to really hate it due to the fact that it takes away some of my independence, but I have come to embrace it somewhat and some days I find I even enjoy the rides. The Orange County Transportation Authority has been kind of sketchy to most people and at first I’ll admit I was a skeptic about riding the public buses around town. Now that I have been from the northernmost parts of Orange County down to the beach and back and forth a bunch of times, I find that it’s not all that terrible. Some days I am able to focus on audio books even or watch a video or two on YouTube, but for the most part I just listen to my music and watch Orange County go by.

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Of course what goes along with riding on the OCTA buses is everyone else who needs to use public transportation. These persons range from anyone who is unable to drive like myself, to senior citizens who are too fragile to drive, to handicapped persons in wheelchairs, to young people getting to school, to homeless folks going to the local shelter or even persons who are on the way to work. The spectrum of people who ride is so wide, it blows my mind. I have seen so many different types of people coming and going from place to place and it makes me wonder all the places they are coming and going to and I wonder what they’re lives are like, and families, and all sorts of things. This is people watching at its finest folks.

I also take advantage of my access to OCTA’s Access program. This is for persons such as myself who may need assistance while riding in public transport. I had to go in and interview for such a privilege as this because I have a seizure disorder and at times, may need help getting from point “A” to point “B” as it were. Lucky me, I have this “Dial-A-Ride” service at my service now and so I take advantage of it when I am in need. If I otherwise might have to take 2 to 3 buses to get across Orange County, the Access bus will be able to take me directly from one point to the next in one go. It’s amazing and the drivers are truly wonderful people from what I have seen. Some of them have been working for the OCTA for years and some only a few months. So many different lovely persons who are able to drive around persons such as myself with special or specific needs in transportation and they are well skilled in making sure we are safe throughout our rides. The Access buses are able to carry multiple wheelchairs at a time as well as persons like myself that are “ambulatory” as they call it and are able to get around on their own. I am truly blessed to be able to have this service when I need it. Annnnnd it only costs me $3.60 each way. BEAT THAT UBER!

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Through the OCTA Access program I have learned also about the Yellow Cab Company having a deal with them since I have been picked up and driven by many a cab driver over the past few years. Some of them are Indian yes, but some of them are immigrants from other places, while others yet are simply people from the states trying to make a living. One man I recall meeting while in his cab was from Ethiopia and I somehow began asking about his life as I tend to do if alone in a vehicle with my driver. He told me that he used to own his own business in his country and that he had a family there too. When I asked if they came to the United States with him, he began to tear up. I apologized for prying and he said it was alright, just that no one had asked him about them in so long. He told me that in his country, they took his business from him when the government went under and they killed his family in the war and that he left to come here to live a new life and make money. He told me about his wife and children and how he missed them very much but that he is doing his best now to be successful without them. I thanked him kindly for sharing his story with me and for being my driver that day. The following day he was my driver once again, and when he picked me up I could see the obvious glee that he felt that I would be his passenger. During this second trip with him, he spoke about things he loved to do and his goals with his business and things that we had in common. It was a whole new day and to be perfectly clear, I made a friend and I know that when I ride in a Yellow Cab, not to judge anyone who drives me based on anything I see, but to get to know the driver and who is making sure I get where I am supposed to be safely.

Each time I meet a driver I try my best to be the best passenger I can. By doing so, I make every trip I take much more fun and a pleasant time for my driver as well. I also try to be pleasant to anyone else I meet on the public buses, Access buses and yellow cabs. You never know who you will be crossing paths with, and it is best to be on your best behavior. At least that has done me some good thus far!

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Sarah Marilu Mason
Designer, A Rainbow of Essentials
714-264-0668 | sarahmarilu@gmail.com | https://www.etsy.com/ARainbowofEssentials | Buena Park, CA

The NEW dōTERRA Yoga Collection

dōTERRA Anchor: Steadying Blend

  • Supports Effective Yoga Practice
  • Promotes feelings of completeness, calmness and courage
  • Encourages a steady foundation from which to move forward

Contains oils: 

  • Lavender
  • Cedarwood
  • Frankincense
  • Cinnamon Bark
  • Sandalwood
  • Black Pepper
  • Patchouli

dōTERRA Align: Centering Blend

  • Supports Effective Yoga Practice
  • Promotes feelings of acceptance, trust and fluidity
  • Encourages harmony and calm progress

Contains oils:

  • Bergamot
  • Coriander
  • Marjoram
  • Peppermint
  • Geranium
  • Basil
  • Rose
  • Jasmine

dōTERRA Arise: Enlightening Blend

  • Supports Effective Yoga Practice
  • Promotes feelings of happiness, clarity and courage
  • Encourages rising to achieve goals and improved performance

Contains oils:

  • Lemon
  • Grapefruit
  • Siberian Fir
  • Osmanthus
  • Melissa

I created a flyer with all the info I learned about the new . Please share and spread the word!

#doterra #yogacollection #anchorblend #alignblend #ariseblend#essentialoils #yoga

dTERRA Yoga CollectiondōTERRA Yoga Collection PDF

Diffuser Bracelets For Sale!

So I am beginning to realize that although I am on the waiting list for disability, I have no way to make money until Christmas season when I can work part time. That being said, I have started making some beaded jewelry thanks to the encouragement of the other crafters at Knott’s Berry Farm and also thanks to my family. My older sister Amanda has been teaching me how to properly make bracelets and I have started making my very own line of diffuser bracelets.

Diffuser bracelets are bracelets which include a lava bead. Lava beads are used to hold essential oils so that they diffuse on your wrist all day long. I have been learning ever more about essential oils because of this and also which types of oils I prefer to wear on a daily basis to diffuse for myself.

I even created my very own Etsy Page called A Rainbow of Essentials where I display the beaded beauties that myself, my sister Amanda and my boyfriend AJ have been creating. It’s been really fun so far! I have learned a bit, but have much to learn still. I am excited and look forward to creating more jewelry in the future. Stay Tuned folks!

NEW LOGO

My Boyfriend Was Born A Female

Not a big deal these days to be a person who is transgender? Think again.

From the moment I met AJ, I knew I was in for some rough times. Although I have found the vast majority of our life together as a couple to be extremely wonderful of course! I knew the times would come when we would struggle together. Not blaming anyone here of course! I have plenty of issues by myself trust me, what with my seizures and crazy mental health stuff going on. Rest assured, I am happy to say that at least in love I can find peace.

AJ and I met through a lesbian dating app called “Her” which is naturally an all inclusive app. This means that people of all genders and sexualities are more than welcome. I was more than thrilled to find this out when I came to making my account since I am a pansexual genderless person. This means that I love everyone and I do not consider myself a male or female person. I met AJ under the intentions that I was simply meeting a friend for the first time seeing as that is why I had the app in the first place, to make new friends.

Needless to say, by the end of the date he had revealed to me(something I had already kind of figured out) that he was a transgender male. What this meant AJ is a transgender person who was assigned female at birth but whose gender identity is that of a man, or in other words a trans-man, transgender man or transman. This was totally awesome to me and we discussed my personal gender issues that I had had in the past and in my life. We totally hit it off in a sense because we are firm believers in the Gender Spectrum(See “The Gender Unicorn below).

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Along the way in our relationship I have found that his coworkers and even some of his family still do not know that he’s FTM and refer to him with feminine pronouns and by his birth name. It has been a little difficult for me having to spend time with them and refer to him as “she” when all I know is I have an awesome boyfriend and only refer to him as “he” all day and night. Ay ay ay people! It’s tough and I slip up all the time. So far no one has freaked out that I am aware, or said anything to me, but I’m always concerned for something to be asked of me.

Also, public harassment is something that had not happened to me for any such reason as this previously and while AJ and I were waiting on a pizza in Downtown Fullerton, a white male of about age 50 yelled at us from in front of a McDonald’s that we were “Fucking disgusting!”. So that happened a while back… I was fairly annoyed, but simply yelled back that he was ignorant and kept steppin’.

The road ahead is a road that will no doubt be full of struggles, but I plan on being there for my boyfriend AJ, and I plan on supporting him and his transgender self. With all of our friends and family supporting us currently, I think we can overcome nearly anything honestly. We are making new friends and allies all the time and the trans community is so welcoming and loving. This is where I belong!

Federal Disability + State Disability = Waiting Game

I am currently playing a waiting game. I really do not want to play, but now that I have done all the work, I have to wait. In the meantime I am pursuing means by which to make some cash. Have I found a one? Nope. Not at all. Waiting for California Disability benefits to be approved is totally not a joke.

Since I quit my job back in April, I have applied for both Federal and State disability benefits. I was denied already for Federal benefits back in August. Figures… I am still waiting to here back from the state. Surprisingly the Federal end of things went pretty quickly and I received responses rapidly from my representative. I really have not heard anything at all from the State of California on my Disability claim.

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I quickly gathered and organized all of my medical paperwork and hospitalization papers to hand over to the Social Security office in anticipation of them requesting them all from different physicians that I have seen since my seizures had started. I went to the office one weekday and drug a huge file box full of the organized documents with me to submit to my representative. The person in the office that assisted me immediately faxed them to my representative’s office in I believe Sacramento or someplace and I was done for the time being. The next step was having my most recent psychiatrist sign the documents about my current situation and how the seizures and my PTSD were affecting me daily and when I had been at work. I had to make an appointment with the physician the following month to sit down with her and have her evaluate me for all of that, which I complied with and went through with her quickly. Once that had been done, I also had to have a few family members submit documents stating that I was unable to handle having a day job due to the triggers that are there which can cause me to have seizures and panic attacks regularly as I had been having at my most recent place of employment. All-in-all the process went rather smoothly and I submitted my documents in a timely fashion to the Social Security department.

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However, when it came down to the California State Disability Insurance Department, I submitted my application to file for benefits at the exact same time on May 3, 2016 and have yet to be reached out to for any type of documentation. On the website where I submitted my application for benefits, all I see in the current status for my Pending Disability Insurance Claim Application when I login is “Pending medical provider form”. What this is sure to mean from what I have found online from other people having this same thing show up when they look at the status of their claim is that the physician has not received the forms or filled them out and submitted them, or the EDD has not received them or processed them as of yet. I have decided at this time to go to the Disability Office in Santa Ana, CA and find out for myself exactly what is going on. I have read online that similar people in my situation that have the same pending status have done this and gotten some sort of result from having gone to the office in person. This is mostly due to the fact that it is literally impossible to get anyone on the phone to assist you because the phone lines for the California EDD are always busy. Like, 24/7. I have called and called and I get the same message each time I call saying the following: “I’m sorry, we have reached the maximum amount of callers” which is complete bullshit.

I found that this blog called Corner of the Mind explained how she was able to go in to the EDD Disability office and found that when she was there, the person assisting her “…looked somewhere else in her computer and apologized – they did have the form.  Whew!  Then she said “oh my god” and shook her head.  She looked at me – “he didn’t sign the form.””. This made me come to the conclusion that I might be able to get a better answer than what the SDI Online website is giving me with that “Pending medical provider form” nonsense.

All I need is to gain some information for right now. While I wait though, I am looking for ways to make some money. If anyone has any bright ideas, I am all ears!